All Text – Kay Reardon

Poems by Kay Reardon

     Ganesha  
     Labyrinth  
     Spring in Midwinter  
     The Lake  
     Coffee

Coffee Drinkers
Hyatt Coffee
Midwinter Coffee

== GANESHA ==
Ganesha dances
Stately strong and simple
Such slow movement
takes concentration
Ganesha enhances my life
Blessing those I care for
Removing obstacles
Bringing sweetness
Loving Care
With dignity and grace

== The Labyrinth ==
Labyrinth walk.
Clear path
Between emerald grass
With wild flowers
We call weeds
Inwards slowly
Step by step.
Path unbroken
Convoluted
Into the centre
There at the core
At the ancient rock
Be still
Breathe
Touch the tree.
Return then
By the pilgrim path
Walking slow
With courage renewed
Into the Open Moment
Life beckons
COME.

==Spring in Midwinter==
Sudden blossoms
In clouds of pink and Ivory
Burst into winter
Enhancing bare limbed trees
Blue skies alternate
With soft rains
Scattering white carpets
Beneath the trees
Banks of fluffy wattles
Brightly yellow
Usher in the sneezing season.
Spring in midwinter
My time of life.

==Coffee Drinkers==
Surrounded by
coffee drinkers
and I am one.
Millions
surrounded by
rockets, flame and fear
Why am I safe and
they are not
How to BE
Live each moment
as a prayer?
I am sorry
Have I done enough
How could I in the face
of deepening grief?
With refugees from horror
Hidden in the hold of a ship
for weeks
in secret
dehumanised, ill used.
Please Advise
Answer: BE an oasis
In these dark times
Begin to shine
A point of light
Calm the waters
Where you are
We are One you know
Question: How can I stand
this knowledge
Answer: Do not hide
Face the day
Strength comes
Shine.

==The Lake==
The lake is still
Reflecting clouds of grey and green.
A ripple feathers across the water
One duck leaves a widening wake.
In the late afternoon
Sun slants across the Basin
Creating a pathway
Of dancing light.
I heard frogs here once.
Silent now
Where swans nibble
at the waters edge.

==Hyatt Coffee==
Feeds my soul
with subtle elegance
Quiet grace
Intrigue and harmony
side by side
Art Deco Bevel mirrors
Golden orchids
Welcome in knickerbockers and cap
Cheerful service in flippy black skirts
Heads of State
Red Carpet
Exquisite Muslim wedding
diamond studded heels
Self important
Loud fat men in suits
Pretty girly girlies
Selfie conscious
Elderly ladies
draped in lavender and silver grey
Business women emulating
in severe dark suits and shiny heels
Politicians Princesses
And Me

==Midwinter Coffee==
Coffee time at Chocolate O
Where crepe flowers glow
In a water glass
on the black topped table

Large mirrors on the wall
Reflecting small bright lights.
My coffee cup says
True to the bean
Whatever that means

On the far wall
Television
Bright with sport

Quiet conversation
Murmuring sound

Large picture window
Three gum trees
Parked cars in winter sun
Green grass blue skies
Cold out there.

==Life Transitions==
Transitions occur throughout life. Some are hardly noticed and others can
be earth shattering.

THE BRIDGE represents such change.

Stand at the bridge for a few moments.
Then with curiosity and courage step forth
See the path ahead. It is your path and
although you cannot see around the corner
Trust it. You are not alone

==Aphorisms==
Christmas
Yoga
Obesity
All Is Well

==The Commodity of Christmas==
Christmas is a time for personal rebirth.
The Baby represents innocence,curiosity, openness and new beginnings.
The Baby itself is the Gift

Its presence is the reason for celebration.
You are becoming the Gift
Celebrate that.

Yoga is not a commodity

It has become a lucrative industry offering health
Beauty, well-being and competitive workouts
This has spawned a market catering to designer yoga gear
mats, headbands, stools, cushions and snazzy mat carriers etc.

ACTUALLY
Yoga is a spiritual practice developed over thousands of years.
It encompasses all facets of life with an end goal of enlightenment.
Yoga promotes integration of body, mind, emotion and spirit.

==Obesity As Commodity==
Think about the following elements of the Industry.

Food an drink manufacturers of products addictive, sugar laced and fattening.
Their advertisers and sellers.
Gyms, weight loss programs, fad diet purveyors.
Clothing manufacturers, sellers and advertisers of Big Size Clothing.
The guilt makers. Almost too pervasive to delineate.
Lap band and cellulite fixers.
Medications allopathic and alternative to deal with the problem.
Magazines popularising very skinny models as the wonderful norm.
There was a time when very skinny meant starvation……….. Still does.

== ALL IS WELL ==

In the eye of the storm
In the single moment
In the instant of choice
All is well

Remember this

Tho the planet is warming
The fires are raging
I\’ve lost my wallet
Planes lost at sea

There is an option

Come back to the moment
Send your love
Be there. Breathe
Then choose
All is well.

WRITINGS
Creating Change through Yoga – Healing from Manic Depression
Yoga Nidra
Dark Night In The Suburbs
Alzheimer\’s
Fanfare For Older Women
Sparse Grass

== CREATING CHANGE THROUGH YOGA – HEALING FROM MANIC DEPRESSION. ==
“Miracles happen here”, the Swami said. He was a youngish man with an open expression, standing behind the reception desk of the yoga healing centre at Nimbin. It was 1983; I was 49 and had been treated for manic depression for nine years. The treatment consisted of anti depressants, major tranquillisers and Lithium, with the assurance that I would never recover and would be on medication for the rest of my life.

Arriving at the Healing Centre, I was feeling suicidal, “coming down” from a major manic episode. I felt I had nowhere to go, no one to turn to. ” If you do what I tell you, you will be alright,” the Swami said. I knew I would never be alright as I had worked in psychiatry as a Day Care Sister for five years, hoping to find a way to be healed and had been assured again that there was no cure. However, I looked at him, trusted him, and decided to do what he said. That was the miracle! The healing, which ultimately came about, was not a miracle but due to hard work and daily discipline in following the yogic guidelines he gave me.

This was the third major manic episode I had experienced and each had been followed by deep depression. By the time I had the third episode in 1983, I had decided I didn\’t want to be medicated any longer.

Some weeks prior to this time I had arrived in Mullumbimby to visit my sister. I was very “high” then, in the manic phase. That is, unable to sleep, somewhat delusional, either elated or angry, with thoughts tumbling into my mind in a most disturbing way.

I saw the local psychiatrist in Mullumbimby who did not argue with my decision regarding medication. However when I came “down” and became suicidal I knew myself that I couldn\’t go on without it. The doctor prescribed anti-depressants, saying that this depression was the worst there is and that he had known I would need to be medicated.

That very night the Swami from the Healing Centre in Nimbin, came to Mullumbimby to give a talk. I spoke to him afterwards and it was obvious to him that I was in a terrible state and he said I could come to the Healing Centre. A few days later I arrived, facing the Swami with no hope but also with no viable alternative. And there the miracle began!

The Swami told me I would have to do without medication and follow the practices I was taught.

The following morning I was wakened at 5a.m. and told to dress and come outside with a large bowl of warm salted water to be taught the yoga cleansing practices of kunjul and neti. Cleansing for the nostrils and alimentary tract. Then I attended a gentle yoga class and Om chanting session. After this we had breakfast, a walk, and a short relaxation session. For the rest of the morning I did gardening, with lots of digging and carrying water for plants. The Swami stated that depression is a contraction of energy and therefore physical work is very important, hence the emphasis on gardening which is not only useful but also symbolic of new growth and life. I found the making of compost quite comforting as it expresses transformation. After lunch there was a Yoga Nidra session (deep relaxation) of about 45 minutes and then more gardening. This continued till 5pm and then we had a shower and the evening meal. Later there was a meditation session and bed by 9.30. The food was vegetarian and very sustaining. This regime continued unabated day after day. The atmosphere was encouraging and optimistic. I felt absolutely dreadful.

When I said I wanted to die, I was sent jogging with a big Swami who made me keep on and on running. I was crying all the time and he said “keep running, I felt the same as you last year” This was the last time I said how I felt because I hate jogging and I thought it was easier to live! The Swami explained to me that our feelings are triggered by our thoughts and therefore all I had to do was focus my thoughts on the present task, whatever it happened to be. He said that it is not to suppress the feelings and thoughts, which arise, but to notice them and focus back on the task. This was quite difficult because the thoughts were so bad that I wanted to suppress them, but over a period of time I learnt to do it some of the time. Actually I learnt to do it most of the time so I could cope a bit better as it is very unpleasant to come through suicidal depression without medication.

After two months the Swami said I could go home. I therefore arranged to do so and on the day I left I asked him about my Lithium. He said, “forget your Lithium”, I said “I\’m a manic depressive” and his answer to that was to guide me for the next few years.

He said: –

“Don\’t identify with it.
Stay with people stronger than you.
Do the practices I have taught you and you will be alright.”

I came home knowing of course that I would never be all right. Nevertheless I did exactly as he said and to my great astonishment I began to notice a sense of peace developing within me. It took several years for me to acknowledge that I had changed so deeply within me that I am healed. My base level of well-being seems to have altered so that I don\’t have mood swings the way I used to. This does not mean that I do not feel sad or happy, angry or loving. I actually feel more now but through the yoga practice I have gained the ability to be balanced and grounded.

Some years ago I heard a lecture on manic depression given by a visiting professor of psychiatry at Canberra Hospital. After the lecture I asked him if it is possible to be healed from this illness. He said “no” so I told him of my healing through yoga; He came up to me, leaned towards me and looked deeply into my eyes. He then said, “it is possible to have a deep and profound inner change and then you will be alright, but just because you have done it don\’t expect that others can”. His response shocked me but was not entirely unexpected. His further comment however, was very interesting as it accurately described my experience. It has also given me my definition of healing.

“Deep and Profound Inner Change.”

Kay Reardon

== YOGA NIDRA ==

This practice is deeply relaxing for the body, mind and emotions. It is practiced in Savasana – the Relaxation Pose – lying on the floor and covered with a rug. In deep relaxation the alteration in metabolism results in the body temperature becoming lower, so it is important to be warm. If one becomes cold the tendency is to move. The basis of Yoga Nidra is pratyahara or sense withdrawal from the outer world and then from the bodily functions, therefore the body must be properly prepared. Pratyahara is accomplished first by giving attention the to world of sense and sound and then by rotation of the awareness through the body. This results in a state of deep relaxation. It is as though the body is asleep but the mind remains awake and aware. The sankalpa or resolve made during Yoga Nidra is important, it gives one the opportunity to bring change into ones life by making the resolve in a deep state of awareness. If repeated regularly this will bring about change The resolve I used myself for my healing was “I have inner peace and balance” and it worked for me. The change was not sudden but happened gradually

Yoga practices need not be complicated. A simple practice performed regularly will bring about change gradually and safely.

Kay Reardon I.Y.T.A.

== Dark Night in the Suburbs ==
A JOURNEY

CHRYSALIS
Soft clouds of thought
hold new worlds
Listen ! Listen as they drift to earth
Feel ! Feel the words to mould and birth
the hopes we hold.

STRUGGLE
Living still as death
inside my shell
Behind the darkly shining cracks
In the nests of time.
Within the whirling world
wrapped in pain
I will not be born
and yet I must.FEAR
Soaring! Inwards!
Diving amid moments of time
asking. begging.
Shall I live
or fly away
over the tree tops gaunt and bare
higher than smoke stacks
polluting the air.

AWAKENING
Light shines in the narrow space
where wriggling worms and growing grubs
see the liquid line leading out.
Stirring, stirred, awoken.
Not a moment too soon.
They are ready and do not want to die
cramped in the inner space
where darkness has rained for so long.
Welcome the white grubs
so soft and glowing
I thought they were repulsive I didn\’t know
they were vulnerable, sad,
waiting to awaken.

GRIEVING
Sadness wells from the wound open and clean.
Sadness dispels,washes away.
Tears drip onto the clean edges
open, receiving.
Alone I cry. Alone I walk,
carrying my wound, open, raw.
Time passes.

THE JOURNEY
Flow on, flow on.
Whispers Words.
Imprison me not on this hot night
Walk on Walk on.
The birds of the day
Speak of life continuing.
Walk on Walk on.
I am the doorway come through.
I seal the words of hopeless loving
helpless to fix anything.
Sorrow, loss, sorrow.
Tears that cry in the night and try to smile in the day.
Stop reading!
Walk through, walk on.
Life is waiting beckons, points to fields of flowers
where birds sing and children learn to play again.

STRENGTH
She said: The psychiatrist said
“You can break down any time in the next 30 years”
“They used to get out of the asylums in the old days”
and
I hate to tell them I am depressed
Failure!
Yes! I am depressed
I am not breaking down
I am dissolving the old
In the new “Dark Night”

OPENING
And I am learning
bright bits from here and there
coming together in one piece of sense.
The tunnel is widening opening out
to embrace this world of knowing new things.

PRAYER
(To GANESH REMOVER OF OBSTACLES)
My heart is open
and I am afraid of the knives that hurt.
Protect My Heart!
awakening from that Dark Night.
on this New Day!
EPILOGUE
TO CARO.
And you in your dark night
are not alone – yet deeply alone.
You are both vulnerable and strong
and honoured as the bearer of change.
And I can walk beside you now.
Holding the Energy
while you dive deep.

Kay Reardon. 1998

== “It takes a village to rear a child” ==
It takes a chorus to engage
With Richard
Moment by moment.
Like a dance
Without pre planning
A friend moves closer
Then makes way for another
To capture his attention.
Later still, a smile and wave
Reawakens interest.
He forgets the words
But not his friends.
© Kay Reardon (December 2007)

Seeding again into the Lotus mud of lies
cruelty, deception and sorrow.
Lost souls straining to forget
In mindless spinning activity.
Gentle souls need steely strength
To survive and harmonise
To bring fun filled love
and quirky humour.
Seeing it all and not despairing
Seeding the future in the now.

HOW
Finding Peace
Making spaces of creative loving harmony
Where the ills and horrors
can pass through and be healed.
Step back, do not run away
Watch and note
Bless and move on.
Scatter the toxic residues into compost
for genuine renewal.
Reach out, rejoin the universe
The Teachers and Lovers of this beautiful Earth
With Her wonderful animals, trees and flowers
Her deep waters and running streams.

== The Ocean ==
Amphritite
ancient ocean mother
birthing life
in the deeps and reefs
where calm prevails
beneath the surging seas.
Alone, serene,
complete within herself
she was honoured
in the old stories.
Ushering in the present Age
Poseidon pursued her
aided by the Dolphin Lord
He wooed and won her and they reigned together
until gradually
He became the ocean god
and
she was lost to view.
Amphritite retreated into the deep
where
drifting and dreaming
in absorbed contemplation and
self reflection.
She prepared herself
to be reborn.
And now
we hear her name again
Amphritite
Ocean Goddess.
Kay Reardon ©

== Clouds ==
On brilliant blue
bright white clouds
float indifferently above dry land.
Listless trees
sparse leaved
droop with thirst
surviving or dying.

Tough grass grows in the gutters
and
I breathe dust in the dry air.

Kay Reardon ©

==Annie\’s River ==
Sunstarred river
silken streaming
tangles of light and rainbow ripples.
Looking deep
through misting lace
Soft rocks flow beneath my memory
lost thoughts drown
in clouds of light
and black holes beckoning
She Oaks bend
to their clear reflection
in shining shallows
where water weeds
lie flat and flowing.
Mother rocks
solid
set mid stream
part the swirling waters
eddying
ever changing never changing.
Kay Reardon ©

== After the Rain ==
The air smells fresh and earthy
trees are plumped and happy
and resident magpies
dive in and out of the wet leaves
spraying glistening droplets
from the edges
of their wings.
Kay Reardon ©

== Rain ==
In childhood
From the safety of our wide verandahs
we watched sheeting rain
racing across the paddocks.
As the sound grew louder
pelting down
our voices were silenced
by the tin roof drum
Today
I hear a faint familiar sound
a constant thud softly muted.
Turn off the music
open the windows
See the blurred world
and again hear rain
rushing in the guttering.
Kay Reardon©

== The Railway Line ==
The railway line
Points to the journey
As yet unbegun
To an unknown place
And
A time not yet here.
Do I go
Or stay at the station
With my suitcase
On the platform of life.
Waiting
Because I cannot see the destination.
Do I board the train
Just coming into sight
Or leave the station
Walk away?
With life untouched
Untroubled
Unlived.
© Kay Reardon(2006)

== Writings inspired by Richard ==
Ode to Richard
Richard 2 Poetry Reading
Richard 3 Xmas Carols

== Ode to Richard ==
We drink coffee by the Lake
Richard smiles and draws
The magpie lark.
We talk and laugh
At the absurdities of Life
And delight in being among
Those
Who have an “open door to idiocy”
His phrase
Which connects us in joy
Among the autumn trees
And
The mosquitos bite our ears
While
The sudden plane overhead
Interrupts the interruptions.
© Kay Reardon (April 2007)

== Poetry Reading ==
Richard staggers in
Clutching 17 books
Each one sprouting
A lifetime of tattered paper markers.
He reads “Heaven”
Twice.
Our hearts listen with him
Moment by moment.
© Kay Reardon (July 2007)

== Sparse Grass ==
Beneath an old tree in the paddock
I know where rusty barbed wire is
And the soft cow pats,
And where unexpected grass is interspersed
With dusty spaces.

I sit there on the sparse grass
And watch the ants
Intent on their path
And the quick lizard.

Becoming very still
I wait and watch.

Life resumes after my intrusion.
Birds talk to each other again
Fluttering down for a quick peck.

Even the flies
Settle in the end.

== Fanfare For Older Women ==
When I turned 60 I rang my friend, Annie and asked her to come with me to get my Seniors Card as a rite of passage of our culture. We went to the Shopfront and a kind young man gave me my card and told me there was no need to feel bad about it! Afterwards, I said, “Well that was a non-event ” and Annie replied, “What you really wanted was a fanfare of trumpets.” And she was right.

Many women feel sensitive about being seen as over 60 and no wonder. We are certainly not taught to be proud of it. Women have told me they begin to feel invisible as they get older. Some say they feel freer because of this but for many women who have been noticed and admired for their youth and beauty, it comes as a shock.

Who are we, the older women? What is our name? Some have revived The Crone, an ancient term of dignity and power, but I want a new name which speaks to me here and now. “Seniors\’ doesn\’t appeal. It sounds like prefects at school. We need to reclaim our personal dignity and power as older women to remind ourselves of the special capacities and value of age, and perhaps then we will know how to rename ourselves.

At the age of 60 I began teaching yoga, having completed the teacher training course in the previous year. Being older, I know how it feels not to be so supple any more, so I practice and teach from my own experience, modifying postures where appropriate.

On my birthday that same year, a group of my women friends arranged a special ritual celebration for me. They made a garland of flowers as a crown and washed my feet ceremonially. They gave me gifts including a Citrine because it is my birth stone and \’The Fountain Of Age” by Betty Friedan, and we had a wonderful party.

As I age I am coming to terms with myself, letting go beliefs and responses which no long affirm my life. For example, having the courage to do or say things I avoided in the past, fearing failure, pain or ridicule. This has released spaces in my life for new richness and depth of experience. I notice underlying themes more. On my sixtieth birthday, I was told by an older friend that 60 is a wonderful age to be and now I believe her. At the same time, I am told I am at risk of osteoporosis, breast cancer, heart disease and Alzheimer\’s.

The statistics of Alzheimer\’s in people over 65 isless than five percent and this means of course that 95 per cent of people over 65 do not have Alzheimer\’s, which sounds rather different. It seems preferable to live in hope of a healthy old age rather than fear of decrepitude.

During interviews with women in the last three years, regarding their attitudes towards menopause and ageing, I have observed their fear of becoming ill and senile. These were healthy, vigorous women, who, without consciously realising it had been influenced by widespread stereotypical images of old age.

Expectation and fear of poverty, frailty and loss undermines the spirit of many older women. As women get older and have more spare time, they are faced with all the aspects of themselves and their lives which they have been able to avoid for years. This can be devastating as feelings of loneliness, missed opportunities, griefs and lost loves become apparent. Some people get sick rather than face these memories. Denial of feelings and continued negative emotions create energy blockages in the body, which may precipitate illness.

As older women, we have the option, if we are willing to accept it, of changing our work of nurturing others to nurturing self for a period of time. If we do this we will replenish ourselves and the nurturing we then give will come from fullness. It well be strong and vital and will give courage and joy. We need to foster within ourselves and each other, feelings of confidence, well-being, vigour, interest in life and a sense of adventure and fun. This is the pathway to fullness, ripeness and blossoming.

Women who adopt this path become the wise ones and wisdom is much needed in our world today. It is a quality of deep inner knowing and loving strength. However, women seem reluctant to claim their wisdom. In fact this aspiration seems somehow unacceptable. In the past several women have said to me in a deprecating way that their children are wise but they are not wise themselves. And at the time I felt guilty to have suggested such a thing. Now I know better and trust myself and my knowing.

The idea of embodying the role of the wise older woman arose when I was forty years old, living in England. I was extremely unhappy and felt the need for someone older and wiser to talk to, and I didn\’t know anyone. I walked down the Brighton Road, with traffic rushing by, and felt totally alone, knowing that there was no one either in England or Australia that I felt I could turn to for guidance. Rather than be angry of helpless, which was very tempting, I made a decision to be wise myself as an old woman but I didn\’t expect to do this until I was about eighty five! Now I realise it is time to own the wisdom that I have and encourage other women to do so too.

We older women have lived long and experienced much and are still alive and creative. We have made families, children, careers, love suffering, healing, new ideas, new ways and we have learnt. Deep within us is a great knowing and we need to listen first to ourselves in the quiet times of our lives, then talk to each other and share what we have learnt of insight, compassion and strength;. Speaking out what we know and believe and sometimes keeping silent until the right moment.

I am learning to be a wise older woman because that is what I\’ve often needed myself. It is some comfort to know there are cultures which honour their Elders. We can begin to honour our own Elders, those who inspire and nurture us and of course honour ourselves for that which we aspire to become.

Bibliography: Betty Friedan, “The Fountain Of Age” Random House Press. London 1993